Aug 2018 - Nothing's Binary Part 6: Boy's Haircut

from Pause For Thought: BBC Radio Devon by Kimwei




I finally got my hair cut short at the age of 12, sneaking off on a Saturday, with saved pocket money and without my parent’s knowledge. Up until then, I’d succeeded in looking like a tomboy, but getting that haircut was the final piece in the puzzle: after that I looked like a boy.

It was a big decision. My child’s mind understood 2 basic principles:
1. I was a girl but I’d rather be a boy.
2. Ugly girls are said to look like boys.

So, if I could make myself look ugly, people would think I was a boy - success. But if I was ugly, no-one would want to date me, I would never have a girlfriend or boyfriend, and never be loved. In my mind, this was the deal. I had to decide between being myself, and being loved. I chose the former, and cut my hair.

Eventually I found love anyway, but years later it struck me that I made that decision. I wondered where else in my life I’d had to decide between inclusion, or self-realization. What would you choose? What have you chosen? What will you choose next time?


from Pause For Thought: BBC Radio Devon, released January 30, 2017


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